There’s always been a side of me that wants to explore. After nursing school finished, I don’t know what to do with myself. These past few days have been rough. From studying and taking the NCLEX (which I haven’t gotten the scores yet), interviews, landing a job and making a stupid mistake that can potentially jeopardize my entire future; I found myself pretty lost and confused.
I kept asking these three questions: “Who was I?”, “Who will I become?”, and “How will I achieve to be the best version of myself?”
And so before I go and join “The Real World” a.k.a. “The Workforce” b.k.a. “I Now Have to Work to Vacation”, I answered my “How will I do it?” question. I will redefine myself through reflection, prayer and traveling. On June 10, I booked myself a trip to somewhere new, Honolulu, Hawaii and my hometown, Manila, Philippines. Hopefully through slowing down and relaxing in the waves of Honolulu, I may be able to find peace in myself and redefine what it means to be me; to breathe in a new me. It has been said that “there’s a sense of urgency to slow down in our society.” What better way to discover something new and slow down than to travel to a place where I have not been? Plus, great island food and that ocean breeze will do me some good too.
And when I go back to Manila, I will greet my past-self with a bittersweet goodbye and remember my roots. Manila always holds a special place in my heart; I mean come on, it’s where I was born and raised. Manila symbolizes me in a way. A great growing city with modern potential, but it stands on corrupted soil, and its up to its heart (which is the people) to revive it. Manila hurts and mends me and it continues to give me dreams and nightmares. I call it my friend and my enemy, but it is always home. I hope that when I go back I can have a new look into the city that grows and dies simultaneously.
So after booking the trip, what’s next? This afternoon, I wanted to have a blank canvas. And what better way to do it that through confession and meditation. Honestly, June 12 (which is ironic since it’s Philippine Independence day and I got myself in the total opposite direction), was one of the worst days of my life. I was called out on what I will call “bad habit” and I risked my entire future. I was caught in the middle of the road, and I was hit with a truck of guilt. (Insert the rest of my day here). With shame, I went to my parents and my mom told me to go to confession (after they looked at me with disbelief and disappointment). I was in that church today and I definitely feel that I didn’t deserve to be there, and yet there He is: Open arms, always ready to forgive. To be honest, I didn’t feel a wave of calmness and peace wash over me (as I have in previous confessions). But I did I feel determination to do more for myself and for others. Moving forward, no more selfishness, no more greed and foolishness. But I need to face my own cross with self-forgiveness, humility and service, especially to others.
So cheers, here’s to the Project: Redefining Me.
As a new photographer, I wanted to also take an opportunity to grow in the craft. Hence, I will start Project50Series: 50mm lens, 50 pictures per city that I travel. I can’t wait to start this. I will definitely keep this project ongoing for all the cities I travel to, maybe even change up the rules a bit.
So watch out for 3 projects in these next few weeks.
1. Project: Redefining Me
2. Project50: Honolulu
3. Project50: Manila
Most of my personal travel posts on Instagram will be under: #JeaTheJetsetter in my account: @justjea_
And my Project50series will be under: #project50series & #jeaphotography #capturinglife in my account @jeaphotography_
Okie dokes, time for me to pack!